


Baby Talk

by Ameliapoand



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Angst and Humor, Best Friends, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Female Friendship, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-29
Updated: 2014-12-29
Packaged: 2018-03-04 03:59:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2908541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ameliapoand/pseuds/Ameliapoand
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mahariel seeks out her apostate friend for a conversation that takes place after Morrigan’s ritual. What DA:O left unsaid. Angst, hurt/comfort, and dark humor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Baby Talk

It was like this. If there was one place in all of Thedas where I shouldn’t be, it would be right here. It was crazy and probably a sign of how emotionally imbalanced I was but… I just couldn't help it. No matter how long I wandered these ornate halls, every turn and corner brought be back to this door with no regard for what I feel or how I should feel. So, I finally gave up fighting it.

I raised a hand and rapped each calloused knuckle against the wood reluctantly, as if even my hand understood how ridiculously wrong this was.

“Come in… if you must.”

The ripple of anger that washed down my spine nearly caused me to smash into her room right there and then. I suddenly imagined throwing each of my daggers into the spaces beside her head, just so I could witness the look of utter shock that would pass over her face. Oh, to see her mortally vulnerable and unprepared for once - how sweet would that small victory be! 

And yet, even as I thought about it, I felt the life and rage drain out of me in quick torrents, leaving nothing but an empty hole in the center of my chest that _ached._ I didn't truly want to hurt Morrigan. 

At least, I think I didn’t. 

No, I didn't. I'm sure these emotions were only present due to the chronic lack of sleep that has been plaguing me lately.

Especially tonight.

I stifled a tired yawn and gently pushed the door open, wordlessly noting a sprawled out Morrigan wrapped up in nothing but a short robe. She rested comfortably in her giant bed and had the top blanket tucked all about her waist, providing a natural hammock for her mother’s grimoire to perch upon while she leafed through each page with weary and focused eyes. It was funny; seeing her like this was so opposite what my tormented mind had pictured. I had envisioned her cackling instead, twirling a long mustache and snorting with delight at the turn of night’s events. Yet, there she studied, all alone and looking quite peaceful while she did.

All the while I was a mess.

“Hey,” I croaked out, hating myself. It was like I didn’t even have the strength to use my voice anymore.

Morrigan’s gaze snapped up at once. “Lyna? What are you wanting at this hour? I… was not expecting you, to say the least.”

The truth was written all over her expression. Both yellow eyes had widened considerably, and her brows drew low and towards the bridge of her nose. 

She looked... _hopeful._

I wanted to vomit. 

Instead, I swallowed thickly, pushing that useless bodily urge back down into my body. The temptation to cry was already upon me, creeping up my throat and constricting its walls, making every inhalation feel like a dagger in my neck. 

“Lyna? … Are you all right?”

“No,” I said with a little more force than necessary. “I’m not all right. I’m tired and sore and _completely_ pissed off, though while I’m going out of my elven mind you’re just…” I waved a hand in her general direction, but then my voice was failing again and I nearly yelled out loud in order to compensate for the fact that I couldn’t keep the emotions out of my own words, nevermind my own head.

Morrigan frowned. She even looked guilty, her visage tightening around itself. I tried searching her face for some sign of ingenuity, if only for a justification that would allow me to drive my fist in her face without too much repercussion, yet she was completely sincere. Lines of tension framed the corners of her mouth, and she was still, as if afraid that even the slightest disturbance from her would set me off. 

This was so fucking backwards. How could she look just as emotional as I felt?

_Shit!_

Sighing heavily, I strode over to the four-poster bed, both feet nearly tripping over themselves with fatigue. “Push over,” I commanded. Was there any other way to say it at a time like this?

To be honest, I expected resistance, but Morrigan was quick to do what I say. She offered no witty comeback or insult as I climbed into bed with her. eEven when I snatched some of her blanket for myself, she remained compliant and passive. The mattress, I immediately noticed, was considerably soft, an ironic contrast to the woman I rested next to, though the waves of body heat rolling onto my freezing body was enough to tell me that she was human too. 

Despite my doubts.

I felt the mattress depress as Morrigan finally relaxed beside me, as if all the pent up tension in her body instantly dissolved into the bed beneath us. She proceeded to close the book in her lap before letting it thud to the ground, and I laced my fingers together, trying to understand everything that was happening. That had _already_ happened.

“I infer from your presence and the current time of night that you were unable to sleep?”

Morrigan spoke to the air in front of us, and I nodded at her harmless tone, barely energized enough to shake away the loose strands of hair that had rippled over my temples.

“And… did you tell Alistair of your intended destination?”

Ugh.

Just hearing his name fall out of her lips like that was enough to make me shudder. Morrigan’s head tilted downwards, seemingly ashamed. Still subordinate.

“He never came back to our room after… you know. I suspect he’s with Riordan now and talking strategy with the others. Either way, he doesn't know that I’m here.”

It was strange, admitting all of this to Morrigan, despite our closeness. Even though she was my best friend, it seemed like a defeat somehow to show any inkling of weakness to her, at least as far as Alistair went. I knew in my heart that she was sorry about her unexpected involvement in our relationship; I could see the evidence of it in her entire countenance, even while she was turned away from me. The air between us reeked with tension, and it was unbearable. If only to make it go away, to dissipate the feeling of emotional suffocation before we both died, I leaned my cheek onto her shoulder, feeling the soft satin of her robe caress my face.

“You’re leaving tomorrow… aren’t you?” My own voice sounded alien to me. It… trembled.

Morrigan exhaled quietly -- a confirmation -- and scooted closer to me so that our sides were pressed up against each other in an affectionate cuddle. 

“How perceptive you are, little one.” 

I almost burst into tears at her casual use of my nickname, but she continued on before I could.

“You see a great deal of things long before any human does, I will give you that. As for what tomorrow brings, all I know for certain is that I will sleep easily at night knowing you will neither perish nor be required to mourn the loss of your templar fool. Is that not enough?”

NO!

I suddenly felt my face tighten as hot tears flooded down my face. I didn’t try to fight them as I had before; Morrigan’s unusual display of tenderness in addition to my severe lack of sleep had finally caught up with me. I sniffled, not bothering to clean myself of the rivers of moisture, and Morrigan tilted her head upon my own, comforting me in her own wordless way.

“Of course it is, and I am grateful. I imagine I’ll spend the rest of my life being grateful to you. But, Morrigan - “

“Yes?”

“I will miss you terribly,” I whispered. Heavy emotion seeped into my throat, victorious over my default bravado, and I shivered. This grief tasted like metal and acid and I hated every part of it. “In fact," I continued stubbornly, "I’m afraid of how much I will miss you. You are my best friend. How could I not?”

What I said was true. Despite her insults, the constant nagging and degradation, I adored Morrigan. However, this gesture was also extremely sentimental of me. Usually I would be slow to exchange these kinds of comments with this apostate, but when will I ever get the chance to again? What if this it it?

Morrigan chuckled, surprising me. As usual, it felt patronizing, but it also was more than that, I think. “Oh, little one. How boldly you share your love. Have I taught you nothing?” She sounded genuinely happy, as if what I had said brought her some measure of joy.

“Well, it’s not as if you’ve made this particular friendship easy on me,” I grumbled sullenly. Morrigan laughed again, this time harder. More freely. My body vibrated with each movement of her torso and I felt the dawn of a smile begin to form on my mouth, though she soon fell quiet as if the joke had been cut short and didn't know what to do about it. I patiently waited for her next words, which came after a few moments of silence.

“I… feel the same as you do, Lyna,” Morrigan said with the gentleness she knew I craved. “You will always be with me, in my heart, no matter how far or long my endeavors may separate us. I promise this to you, if it is any consolation at all.”

She cared. I knew she cared. Everybody knew she cared. But, hearing her actually say the words…

I choked back a sob.

Morrigan stayed quiet until I had regained composure. I could feel my face from the outside; it was sticky with tears and so, _so_ tired. So exhausted. Maybe it was a good thing Alistair wasn't here to see this. Witnessing this would have hurt him.

“Sweet Andraste,” I suddenly growled, annoyed by myself and by Morrigan and by this entire situation, “The one time I fall in love with a man and you have to sleep with him. Typical.”

Morrigan’s gaze whirled around to meet mine, and then that was it. I don’t know who laughed first, but the two of us were soon hunched over and cackling with unabashed glee at my lame attempt of a joke. Tears, once again, were cascading over my skin, hot and disgusting, though they were entirely welcome this time around.

“Honestly, Morrigan… you are without a doubt… the worst friend I have ever had,” I managed out through a new string of giggles.

Morrigan breathed deeply, collecting herself. She ran a few fingers through her disheveled bangs, making them look like a dark curtain of midnight, similar to my own style. “I do not doubt that,” she said mischievously. “Still, you could have done much worse than that templar fool. Not that I approve, of course. I still think he is an inferior oaf, by any standards.”

Perhaps I shouldn't have laughed at her careless review of my Warden beau, but I did anyway. 

When our renewed laughter subsided into chuckles, I relaxed myself into the mattress once more and felt its soft contours adjust to my frame. If anything, I was warm now, and despite my blatant exhaustion… I felt sort of serene.

“Can I ask you something, Morrigan?” 

She lowered her gaze once more onto my sleepy face. “’Tis as good a time as any.”

I swallowed contentedly and propped myself up from her shoulder so that I was looking at her, suddenly uncertain of the next words that came out of my mouth. “The ritual took place hours ago. Are you pregnant? At this given moment, I mean.”

The lingering smirk plastered onto Morrigan’s face vanished at once, like reverse lightning. She grimaced darkly. “I felt the spell’s effects as soon as it happened. The answer to your question is yes. I am with child.”

It was just as I suspected. I nodded in understanding and did my best to ignore her scrutinizing the rest of my reaction with serious eyes. What else was there to do? To say? 

Congratulations?

“You’re lucky,” I responded, calm and even. “I would do anything… but the taint won’t allow it. I can’t.”

Without meeting her pointed gaze, I stretched one of my arms towards her pressed a hesitant fingertip to where the bed’s blanket covered her stomach. It was so flat; so normal. I couldn't help but stare in wonder. It was… hard to imagine, at least. Hard to imagine that a mini-Alistair had already formed life. And _not_ within my own body. I didn't know whether to feel wonder or loss or a combination of the two. This was unprecedented! Maker, what had I done?

When I was done with these intrusive thoughts, I allowed a smile to perforate my lips as I gazed up at her again. She looked wary, though the tense lines from before hadn’t come back to blacken her mouth.

“You’re not going to hurt him are you?”

Morrigan arched an eyebrow at me, but I was serious. I held her gaze unabashedly. “I presume you are referring to the baby?," she said, confused. "What if he is a she?”

My heart squeezed painfully at the unwanted vision of Alistair holding hands with the little blonde girl that could be his daughter. The agony that gripped me was almost enough to knock me speechless, but I persisted after a moment’s hesitation, taking a small amount of time to regulate my breathing.

“I meant the baby, yes. But, Morrigan?" 

"What is it?" 

I couldn't stop the strings of words that began to spill out of my mouth. "You _have_ to love him. Do you understand? Promise me you won’t ever abandon or compromise your duties as his mother, and that you'll sacrifice for him. Swear me he will grow up strong and happy and will never know what it it feels like to be unwanted, as you felt. I need this consolation more than anything, Morrigan. If you promise me these things, I will make sure that no one will ever come looking for you as long as I am alive.”

Morrigan frowned, both eyes narrowing in speculation to what I had said. I turned my gaze away, burdened with the possible images and scenes of what was to come, what could come, and what might not come. They played out in my mind like a story, some more horrifying than the last. I needed her to understand.

"It will be my bargain to you, sister. If, you promise me these things, I will always keep you and your secret safe." 

I heard the soft popping sound of her lips opening to reply. "And if I don't?" 

Both of our heads turned to look at one another, and I lingered at the sight of her impossible irises, so light and dark at the same time. 

"If you don't swear these things to me," I pronounced slowly, with care, "I will find you once tomorrow is over. No matter how far you go, I will hunt you down, like an animal. Then I will kill you," I said simply, with no inflection on any of my words. I held her gaze, daring her to see the truth in mine, and wondered if she took me as seriously as I felt.

My love for this baby was already so tangible; there was no way I could not stay uninvolved in its life. I felt a concreteness of will settle into my bones while Morrigan searched for an answer, still searching my face for something I couldn't yet know. She looked as even as could be, if nothing else, like I had not said anything at all. My immediate thoughts turned to Alistair. I missed him fiercely in these moments. 

Time passed. Too much time. Too little words being spoken. I almost pressed for an answer, but before I could, Morrigan nodded in earnest and I breathed a little easier for it.

“I do. I promise, little one. No harm will come to the child.”

_Maker's breath._

I quickly touched a thumb to her lips, like an encouragement. “Thank you, Morrigan." 

"You would really slay me?" she asked, her eyes bright with wickedness. 

I nodded and hummed out my next breath. "If I had to." 

We both grinned in unison, somehow elated and relieved by this fact. How could this be? . 

Morrigan sucked on the inside of her cheek for a moment before regarding me with pride in her gaze. "Good. I approve of this." 

Her response breathed a little more life into me. Maker, we were warped. "Now," I said, light with the strange turn of the conversation, "Let’s just hope that you won’t ever find the inspiration to come back one day and usurp Anora’s throne with the help of our little friend, here.”

I couldn't keep the stupid grin off my face as Morrigan smirked even wider in admiration. “Should the urge ever strike me, I assure you that the child will be safe at my side, wanting for nothing and well-educated in the highest of magics.”

“Strangely, I find that rather enticing.”

Our priggish smiles widened into full-brown sneers at the mention of the future queen, our faces tightening like steel and disgust wrapped up into one expression.

“The battle would surely be interesting enough,” said Morrigan, a dreamy look perforating her eyes.

“I agree. The look on Anora's face as you stormed the castle gates would be enough to keep the darkspawn away for years.”

“So much for the Grey Wardens then.”

“Maker. The bitch even took my job away. Is there anything she _can’t_ do?”

I thought we would never stop laughing after that.


End file.
